I am a paramedic currently struggling to find herself after falling into a world called PTSD. This blog is a detailed journal of my daily struggles to function and understand the place where I now live. A large part of the journal deals with finding who I used to be, wandering into the past in a journey of self discovery – some parts are more difficult to come to terms with than others. Please join me on this journey.

11 Responses to About

  1. Anonymous says:

    Your February 4th post describes me.


  2. Anonymous says:

    So, my wife scoffs at me when I tell her I’m lonely & need affection. Am I wrong to tell her I’m needy? I feel FINE (Fucked up, Insecure, Needy, & Emotional). I don’t know, she has her issues too. I know they’re mostly my fault. We’ve been married 29 years, she told me long ago she’s not attracted to me any more. I know it’s because I brought my firehouse work home with me. I’ve been retired 10 years, but each night my dreams take me back to the job. This sure sucks.


    • Anonymous says:

      I just saw your post about your bad season. Just got over mine. I hate the holidays. Before I retired, it seemed all the bad calls happened every year during Thanksgiving & Christmas. Now those times are just another day for me. My family doesn’t understand.




  4. Thank you for your kind words and following my blog! I have had difficulty with so many things I had previously loved thanks to PTSD (for example I am still terrified to bike and snow board)! I guess the best advice I can give is to just keep at it. Eventually you will reconnect with what you loved about it in the first place. Start with smal goals and reward yourself for each victory. My first 10 K I nearly had a panic attack, I cried, at times I walked while sobbing, but eventually I finsihed- and I wasn’t last. It was a big ego boost. If I can do it- I know you can!!!

    Warm regards!


  5. Marty says:

    I see you are now working on thoughts, moods and distraction. Have you looked into a mindfulness based therapy like ACT or acceptance as core to healing.

    The thoughts are where disassociation begins and trauma fuels itself. If you can direct your attention to stillness when your thoughts appear the thoughts will fade from consciousness. My complex PTSD is now symptom free for me and calm. I do not distract myself at all but focus on now and let the thoughts go.
    The achilles heel of PTSD is its impermanence. It fades without attention. It is a way out and you can make it to normal much faster and it is permanent.


  6. Marty says:

    You do not give up and that will help you find the path to happiness. You have what it takes to heal you. I believe and see that in what I read of you.


  7. *S says:

    not a problem! Thanks again for sharing your story!


  8. Medic72 says:

    Hey S,

    I would prefer not. I like to see who can find it on their own without any linking.
    Thank you for the offer for increasing my traffic though, I do appreciate it.



  9. S says:

    I relate to this so much, thank you for sharing your experience.


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