I am a paramedic currently struggling to find herself after falling into a world called PTSD. This blog is a detailed journal of my daily struggles to function and understand the place where I now live. A large part of the journal deals with finding who I used to be, wandering into the past in a journey of self discovery – some parts are more difficult to come to terms with than others. Please join me on this journey.
-
Recent Posts
Archives
- December 2020
- September 2020
- April 2020
- March 2020
- December 2019
- November 2019
- September 2019
- May 2019
- March 2019
- February 2019
- January 2019
- October 2018
- September 2018
- June 2018
- March 2018
- February 2018
- December 2017
- November 2017
- September 2017
- August 2017
- July 2017
- June 2017
- May 2017
- April 2017
- March 2017
- February 2017
- January 2017
- December 2016
- November 2016
- September 2016
- August 2016
- July 2016
- June 2016
- May 2016
- April 2016
- March 2016
- February 2016
- January 2016
- December 2015
- November 2015
- October 2015
- September 2015
- August 2015
- July 2015
- June 2015
- May 2015
- April 2015
- March 2015
- February 2015
- December 2014
- November 2014
- October 2014
- September 2014
- August 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- April 2012
- February 2012
- January 2010
Categories
Meta
Walking In My Shoes 
Your February 4th post describes me.
LikeLike
Are you there?
LikeLike
So, my wife scoffs at me when I tell her I’m lonely & need affection. Am I wrong to tell her I’m needy? I feel FINE (Fucked up, Insecure, Needy, & Emotional). I don’t know, she has her issues too. I know they’re mostly my fault. We’ve been married 29 years, she told me long ago she’s not attracted to me any more. I know it’s because I brought my firehouse work home with me. I’ve been retired 10 years, but each night my dreams take me back to the job. This sure sucks.
LikeLike
I just saw your post about your bad season. Just got over mine. I hate the holidays. Before I retired, it seemed all the bad calls happened every year during Thanksgiving & Christmas. Now those times are just another day for me. My family doesn’t understand.
LikeLike
PS. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!!!
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind words and following my blog! I have had difficulty with so many things I had previously loved thanks to PTSD (for example I am still terrified to bike and snow board)! I guess the best advice I can give is to just keep at it. Eventually you will reconnect with what you loved about it in the first place. Start with smal goals and reward yourself for each victory. My first 10 K I nearly had a panic attack, I cried, at times I walked while sobbing, but eventually I finsihed- and I wasn’t last. It was a big ego boost. If I can do it- I know you can!!!
Warm regards!
Jenny
LikeLike
I see you are now working on thoughts, moods and distraction. Have you looked into a mindfulness based therapy like ACT or acceptance as core to healing.
The thoughts are where disassociation begins and trauma fuels itself. If you can direct your attention to stillness when your thoughts appear the thoughts will fade from consciousness. My complex PTSD is now symptom free for me and calm. I do not distract myself at all but focus on now and let the thoughts go.
The achilles heel of PTSD is its impermanence. It fades without attention. It is a way out and you can make it to normal much faster and it is permanent.
LikeLike
You do not give up and that will help you find the path to happiness. You have what it takes to heal you. I believe and see that in what I read of you.
LikeLike
not a problem! Thanks again for sharing your story!
LikeLike
Hey S,
I would prefer not. I like to see who can find it on their own without any linking.
Thank you for the offer for increasing my traffic though, I do appreciate it.
Medic.
LikeLike
I relate to this so much, thank you for sharing your experience.
LikeLike